A recent study by science showed that one in five autumn enthusiasts will experience Halloween burnout at some point in their lifetime. Halloween burnout is a newly discovered condition that affects those who place unrealistic expectations on themselves during the spooky season, which for many begins on July 5th and ends on November 1st. Symptoms include fatigue, nausea, questioning how Michael Myers can drive, watching the Garfield Halloween Special until it loses all meaning, and more fatigue.
In all (relative) seriousness, Halloween burnout is real and it’s running rampant. The season starts earlier each year. This past June, I found a rubber bat in Michael’s. June, people. And with an ever-expanding season, come infinite ways to celebrate, whether it’s binge watching your favorite horror movies until your eyes bleed or binge eating pumpkin spice everything until…your eyes bleed. Social media’s no help. Sure, it’s a way to feel connected to your Halloween-loving peers but it also creates undue stress. You scroll through your timeline/feed/whatever and it’s all Halloween all the time. It makes you want to keep up, to never waste one precious moment on something like sleeping or brushing your teeth.
So the question remains: how can you ensure your Halloween season is as Halloweenish as possible?
The answer is simple: you don’t have to.
That’s where the Halloween Randomizer 5000.1 (patent pending) comes into play. Stay with me here. The idea is you jot down whatever Halloween activities that come to mind onto tiny slips of paper. Make sure you write legibly because you’ll need to read these later. If that’s a challenge for you, here’s hoping you can draw at a stick-figure level. Next, fold said slips and place them into a receptacle of some sort. The Randomizer can be made from whatever you’ve got handy. Mine’s a snot-green pumpkin pail mummified in orange lights. I like to add a Pumpkinhead action figure or two because that’s what I do.
After you’ve assembled your Randomizer, now it’s time to let chance step up to the podium. Shake it. Do it again, just to be sure. Maybe a third time because it kind of sounds like a maraca. Now close your eyes, reach into the Randomizer, and pull out a single strip of paper. Whatever’s written on it, that’s what you’re doing today. Could be movie marathon or maybe you’re baking an apple pie or if you’re not talented in the kitchen, go out and buy one. A pie, not a kitchen, unless you’re looking to remodel. No activity is too outlandish or low key. Heck, once the leaves turn, you could go for a walk through a cemetery and call it a day. That’s the magic of the season. Halloween’s in the very air we breathe. It smells like candy corn and candy applies and candy everything else. It smells like possibilities. Sure, the season flies by. And yeah, come November 1st, you’ll be staring into the void, but you can greatly decrease your chances of FOMO if you drop the pressure and unrealistic expectations and just have fun.
So this year, give yourself a break. It’s time to construct your very own Halloween Randomizer 5000.1 with whatever’s within reaching distance. A shoebox? Sure thing. A coffee mug? Why not? A real pumpkin? You bet, though I hope you enjoy mold. As long as you’re doing something—anything—to get into the Halloween spirit, that’s all that matters. No more pressure. No more stress. Save that for your costume. Will you wear a cape? A mask? If so, what kind of material? There’s latex and plastic and—I’ve just had the greatest idea for an invention. It’s called the Halloween Costume Randomizer 5000.1. Stay with me here.
Boo-graphy: Patrick Lacey was born and raised in a haunted house. He currently spends his time writing about things that make the general public uncomfortable. He lives in Massachusetts, in a hopefully un-haunted house, with his wife, his daughter, and his ginormous cat. Follow him on Twitter.
Sleep Paralysis: A Collection Sleep paralysis: A transitional state between wakefulness and sleep, accompanied by powerful hallucinations and muscle weakness, preventing one from moving.
A website that specializes in suffering. A basement filled with secrets and bones. An apartment housing much more than just ghosts. These are the places between reality and the unknown. These are the stories that stay with you long after you’ve read them. These are the things that visit your dreams. And nightmares.
Meghan: Hey, Patrick!! Welcome back. What is your favorite part of Halloween?
Patrick: Pumpkin beer. And pumpkin coffee. And also pumpkin English muffins. My favorite part of Halloween is all of it. It’s that you can walk into any grocery store or pharmacy and find at least one discount skeleton mask that’s probably painted with poisonous chemicals or one plastic rubber bat that’s probably…painted with poisonous chemicals. It’s that the entire world seems to be on my wavelength, which, lemme tell you, is quite often not the case.
Meghan: What is your favorite Halloween tradition?
Patrick: May I make this a two-for-the-price-of-one answer? If so, super! If not, this is awkward. I grew up in a horror household. My parents dug the genre and, lucky for me, they didn’t much care what I watched, R ratings be damned. So what we’d do is we’d go trick-or-treating but once the eggs started cracking and the tee-pee started rolling, we came back home and watched horror movies like they were going out of style. The real stars of the show were the snacks. I’m talking junk food like you’ve never seen. My mom persuaded me to eat relatively (insert air quotes here) healthy but on Halloween night, all dietary bets were off. We’re talking nachos, pizza rolls, and deviled eggs (emphasis on the devil). We’d shove snack after snack into our mouths until our bellies inflated and what’s better than that? What’s better than spending quality family time watching Kevin Bacon get his throat pierced with the sharp end of an arrow or Johnny Depp get swallowed by a bloody bed, all while eating things with more artificial ingredients than a can of paint thinner? Answer: nothing. It was during one of those marathons that I leaned over a lit pumpkin-scented candle and managed to catch my bangs on fire. I snuffed the flames out quick enough but have you ever smelled burnt hair? It’s a lot stronger than anything Yankee Candle carries. I surveyed myself in the mirror and yeah, there would need to be an emergency hair cut before returning to school, but you know what? Who cared? Burning bangs or no burning bangs, that night there were no problems. There were only slashers and junk food and is there anything else? To this day, if by some strange circumstance, I catch a whiff of charred hair, it zaps me back to that living room, to those snacks, to that wonderful night.
Which brings us to part two of this question, the newer tradition of carving a jack-o-lanterns with my wife and daughter. With my wife, we’ve been doing this since day one of us, but with my daughter, we’re coming up on Halloween II (the holiday, not the movie), so it’s about as new as new gets. Last year, I don’t think she was cognizant enough to understand why her parents were wielding chef’s knives and gouging large orange apples but this year—this year, all bets are off. She’s got about five non-mom and non-dad words in her vocabulary, one of which happens to be “pumpkin.” Really, it’s more like “pum pum” but she’ll get there. Any flash of orange, she lights up like a Halloween blow mold, so I’m thinking the carving will be one for the books this year. The best part is I’ve tried not to push the seasonal addiction on her, but the moment she saw her first Beistle cut-out, she smirked ear to ear. I think it’s been passed down to her, this addiction that comes from who knows where. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Meghan: If Halloween is your favorite holiday (or even second favorite holiday), why?
Patrick: Two words: spooky walks. There is nothing—I repeat—nothing better than taking a stroll around your neighborhood, town, city—whatever—once the leaves start to turn. What other time of year can you see gravestones and animatronic gargoyles in someone’s front yard? And that’s just one house, if you’re lucky. I adore pulling on a sweatshirt and grabbing a pumpkin beer and then hiding that pumpkin beer in a non-descript thermos so as to avoid being arrested, then going for a seasonal stroll. I always end up in a neck of the woods I never even knew existed. This one time, a few years back, I traversed a side street wherein every single front porch was decked out in Halloween bliss, but here’s the kicker: I could never find that street again, no matter how many times I searched, which begs the question: did I accidentally cross over into a parallel dimension or did I have a few too many of those non-descript pumpkin beers? Probably it’s the latter but a man can dream.
Meghan: What are you superstitious about?
Patrick: Everything. But there’s this one thing in particular. It’s maybe more innocuous than walking under a latter or spotting a black cat (which doesn’t bother me, seeing as how I’ve owned two or five). What it is, is the number thirteen, specifically how that number appears on my Kindle. I mostly read ebooks on account of my glasses are trifocals and the font’s easily adjustable. If I’m reading and arrive at the 13% mark, I’ve gotta keep going, if only to reach 14%, because if I stay at that cursed number, something insane will happen. Dead birds will fall from the sky. Every tree within a five-mile radius of my house will shrivel and rot. And the sun itself will burn out, dowsing the world in a never-ending cycle of darkness.
Meghan: What/who is your favorite horror monster or villain?
Patrick: Freddy Krueger, full stop. Here’s the thing. Freddy’s the reason I’m a horror fan. Like I mentioned before: my parents didn’t give a darn what I watched, for better and worse (mostly better). Because of this lack of parental advisory, one of the first movies I remember watching is A Nightmare on Elm Street. And let me tell you: it did a number on me. I had actual nightmares for days, maybe weeks, on end. But I couldn’t stop thinking about that glove and that fedora. So I watched it again. And again. Then I watched the sequels. And my revulsion turned to fascination. I loved the sense of nightmare logic. Because we’re dealing in dreams, the rules are less rigid and more fluid. Doors don’t lead where they ought too. Steps are made from oatmeal for some reason. And is that a goat over there? Yes, that’s definitely a goat.
Meghan: Which unsolved murder fascinates you the most?
Patrick: The Zodiac Killer has long been a morbid fascination of mine and I think it has to do with reading too many Batman comics, specifically those with the Riddler and how he always left clues and if you could just decipher them, you could stop him from performing whatever villainy was on his mind. But the difference is that Batman always solved said puzzles and real life isn’t so squeaky clean. I’m not exactly writing my thesis on the Zodiac but from what I’ve read, part of me wonders if the puzzles were intentionally unsolvable. He promised answers in there somewhere, all jumbled up, but maybe there never were answers.
Meghan: Which urban legend scares you the most?
Patrick: I’m from a small fishing town named Gloucester. It’s on the north shore of Massachusetts. And in my small fishing town, there was this tale making the rounds when I was a freshman, sophomore, somewhere around there. People swore there was a group of kids that called themselves the Gloucester Vampires. They congregated in abandoned buildings and under bridges late at night, when the town slept, and they did unspeakable things, performed rituals from texts so evil, reading a single page could make your mind burst like an over-ripe cantaloupe. Or so they said. Probably, it was a bunch of kids who wore black and were in the thick of their Hot Topic phase. But to my over-active mind, there was a cult in my small fishing town, a cult searching for new members. Once they chose you, there was no canceling your membership. I was so perturbed by this (probably) imaginary cult, I wrote a novel about it. It’s called We Came Back. It’s about to go out of print as of this writing but it’ll rise from the depths in a new edition soon enough.
Meghan: Who is your favorite serial killer and why?
Patrick: Care for a deep cut, so to speak? My wife’s family has a vacation home in Cape Cod. We got there twice, maybe thrice times a year, and in the neighboring town of Truro, there was once a serial killer who went by the name Tony Chop Chop, which, as far as serial killer names go, has got to be up there. The killings had a slight ritualistic bend, insofar that the hearts were removed from the victims. The case never gained the popularity that other killers of the time did, but Kurt Vonnegut wrote an article about Mr. Chop Chop in Life Magazine of all places, so the situation didn’t exactly go unnoticed. I’ve traveled to one of the supposed murder locations—a crypt long since busted open and cleared out—and you can’t deny the dread. It sticks to you like Laffy Taffy. In reality, serial killer culture deeply disturbs me, so much so that I wrote a novel (Where Stars Won’t Shine) to get it out of my system. And while I’m not exactly going to start a Tony Chop Chop blog, I do find the case fascinating.
Meghan: How old were you when you saw your first horror movie? How old were you when you read your first horror book?
Patrick: I’ll echo my earlier answer here. It was A Nightmare Elm Street, which I saw at the ripe age of way too young. But I’m not complaining. Thanks again, Mom and Dad. For horror books, it’s got to be Stephen King‘s Skeleton Crew but that only counts on a technicality. See, my mother had an dog-eared, spine-creased copy on her bookshelf. The one with that wide-eyed monkey and the cymbals. I’d pull it down, half-cover my eyes so said monkey couldn’t stare into my soul, and flip to a page at random. I loved what I read but I couldn’t read for long because I knew the book was alive, that it had teeth in some secret compartment, so it was better to place it back on the shelf where I found it. Years later, I’d give it a proper read and it would become a favorite. I still have my mom’s copy. Thus far, I haven’t seen those teeth. Maybe they just haven’t come in yet.
Meghan: Which horror novel unsettled you the most?
Patrick: It’s gotta be The Grip of It by Jac Jemc. I don’t see this one getting as much love as it rightfully deserves. It’s a haunted house novel, which is probably my favorite sub-genre, seeing as how I grew up in one (a story for another time). The horror that makes me all shivery is when bad stuff isn’t easily definable. Masked killers are fun but you can see a masked killer. What you can’t see are invisible forces working to unravel our minds one cold spot at a time. That’s what The Grip of It is. It’s a series of inexplicable scenes with no clear-cut answers. We, as readers, aren’t even sure if the house is haunted. And if it is, we can’t begin to theorize what’s haunting it. I don’t like it when authors tie things up in bow. I much prefer when horror is kept vague and it doesn’t get vaguer than The Grip of It.
Meghan: Which horror movie scarred you for life?
Patrick: Stick with me here. There’s this one scene in The Mothman Prophecies that’s always on repeat in my brain. It’s when Richard Gere is washing his face in the bathroom sink, huddled over the faucet. We see the mirror and in that mirror is a shape standing just behind Richard. The problem with that shape is you can’t see its face. It’s like a smear on the lens that became sentient. And I have this thing with smooth faces. The concept of person with no eyes, ears, mouth, just smooth flesh—heck no. So while The Mothman Prophecies isn’t exactly known a walk-don’t-run flick, that scene is burrowed beneath my skin. Even today, when I’m washing my face, I know he’s there in the mirror. Mothman’s there and this time my eyes are the camera.
Meghan: What is your favorite Halloween costume?
Patrick: My favorite Halloween was when I dressed up as a zombie this one time in eighth grade, which in and of itself doesn’t demand bragging rights, but I wasn’t just any rotting corpse. I was fourteen and it was the early 2000’s. Nu metal was having a moment. The most infamous practitioners? Limp Bizkit. And since I was a super fan, I dressed as the lead singer. Let me say that again: one time, two decades ago, I walked around dressed as a dead Fred Durst and asked strangers for candy.
Meghan: What is your favorite Halloween-themed song?
Patrick: Gonna cheat here and choose the original Halloween theme, composed by Mr. ball-of-sunshine himself, John Carpenter. Sure it’s not a Halloween-themed song but it’s a song in a film called Halloween. Take that, semantics. The thing with this theme is it makes anything sinister and brooding. Break it out at a party, and it’ll set the mood with those dueling notes and that odd time signature (I wanna say it’s 5/4 but my math could be wrong). But why limit yourself? Crank it while you’re washing the dishes. You’ll be surprised by the results. On their own, dishes are boring. But with John Carpenter in tow, suddenly that chef’s knife takes on a whole new meaning. It’s great for long drives, too, especially on a cool fall night when the trees are bare and the fallen leaves scuttle in the wind. And make sure you keep those high beams on because you know Michael’s out there. He’s always out there.
Meghan: What is your favorite Halloween candy or treat? What is your most disappointing?
Patrick: My favorite Halloween candy is candy corn and the most disappointing is also candy corn. Hear me out. I love the OG kind. And yes, I understand it tastes like melted candle wax mixed with high fructose corn syrup but don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it. And if you have tried it, and you still hate it, then it’s okay to be wrong sometimes. Which brings us to the disappointment. It’s like I said: I love the original candy corn, but these weird new flavors? These fruity-flavored knock-offs? These caramel-flavored monstrosities? Not on my watch. There’s something so pure about candy corn and to mess with perfection only ruins the allure. So give me some CC all day long but make sure it’s the kind that’s been on sale since the seventies and is probably from the same batch.
Meghan: I just can’t imagine Halloween without you, Patrick, and some of these answers made me laugh out loud. Thanks for stopping by!! We’ll have to make plans for next year as well. But before you go, what are your top three Halloween movies?
Patrick: Hack-O-Lantern If you haven’t seen Hack-O-Lantern, stop reading this and go see Hack-O-Lantern. This thing is dripping with vintage Halloween goodness. You could make a drinking game wherein you pause and take a shot every time a retro seasonal decoration pops up in the background. Though, on second thought, don’t do that because I refuse to be held accountable. Also, it’s got heavy metal and satanic panic vibes, the chocolate and peanut butter of horror. If robed cultists, devil-masked killers, and incessant music video dream sequences are your thing (and they really should be), look no further.
Night of the Demons Just the perfect movie to throw on for the big night. It’s got a spooky mansion, excellent demonic make-up effects from legend Steve Johnson, and a fantastic wraparound story in which a grumpy old man gets what’s coming to him. Director Kevin Tenney is on record saying he wasn’t even a horror fan when he came aboard the film. Could’ve fooled me. I watch it every October. And also every November and December.
Trick or Treat Note the “or” as in not Trick ‘r Treat. This is another heavy metal horror flick and if you’re sensing a pattern, it’s because I’m a life-long metal head and horror head (which I’ve never seen in print and will most certainly not Google). In a nutshell, a high schooler’s favorite metal musician dies and inhabits our protagonist to then help him exact revenge against his bullies. Bad things ensue. Like the other two films, this thing is just begging to be watched on a cool autumn night in the presence of a pumpkin-scented candle. Unfortunately, because of legal issues with the heavy-metal-tinged soundtrack, this one can be difficult to track down. The DVD’s out of print and there’s no American Blu-ray, though there is a Spanish one with an English version of the film. What I’m saying is, it might take some effort to track down, but the pay-off’s worth it a thousand-fold.
Boo-graphy: Patrick Lacey was born and raised in a haunted house. He currently spends his time writing about things that make the general public uncomfortable. He lives in Massachusetts, in a hopefully un-haunted house, with his wife, his daughter, and his ginormous cat. Follow him on Twitter.
Sleep Paralysis: A Collection Sleep paralysis: A transitional state between wakefulness and sleep, accompanied by powerful hallucinations and muscle weakness, preventing one from moving.
A website that specializes in suffering. A basement filled with secrets and bones. An apartment housing much more than just ghosts. These are the places between reality and the unknown. These are the stories that stay with you long after you’ve read them. These are the things that visit your dreams. And nightmares.
Matt Hayward: Horror knows no limits. You can have a comedy, romance, thriller, or any other genre, all within a horror story. Horror has a way of tackling taboo subjects you might not find anywhere else. It’s unique in facing social / political situations head-on.
Meghan: Have any new authors grasped your interest recently?
Matt Hayward: Chad Lutzke is a new name on my radar, I’m embarrassed to admit. He’s a killer writer, and I’ve been floored by everything he’s put out. Jeremy Hepler, too.
Meghan: How big of a part does music play in creating your “zone”? What do you listen to while writing?
Matt Hayward: I wish I could write to music, but, being a musician, it pulls my attention too much. That said, I listen to stuff before I write, soundtracks and bluesy stuff. Lately I’ve been on a Colter Wall, Blackwater Fever, True Detective soundtrack kinda kick.
Meghan: How active are you on social media? How do you think it affects the way you write?
Matt Hayward: It’s a necessary evil, unfortunately. If I could, I’d axe the internet and pull a ‘Bentley Little’.
Meghan: What is your writing Kryptonite?
Matt Hayward: If we’re talking what I hate when I read, I’d say stale prose. I don’t mind overused tropes – the haunted house, vampires, zombies – as long as I’m reading a fresh take and the writing remains captivating. On Writing books go a long way.
Meghan: If you were making a movie of your latest story/book, who would you cast?
Meghan: If you had the choice to rewrite any of your books, which one would it be and why?
Matt Hayward: I’d leave ‘em be, warts ‘n’ all. They’re a nice snapshot of where I was skill-wise, and I like the progression. I just want to concentrate on making the next one better. If I fix one, I’d fix the current one ten years down the road and so on. Let sleeping dogs lie.
Meghan: What would the main character in your latest story/book have to say about you?
Matt Hayward: Probably call me a sadist. I messed up his life pretty good. He had to use dental floss to catch a fish. Did you know that’s a thing? YouTube’s full of guys going floss fishing.
Meghan: Did you hide any secrets in your books that only a few people will find?
Matt Hayward: Absolutely. I’ve dotted characters in the backgrounds of books (Henry Stapleton from Practitioners makes a brief cameo in A Penny For Your Thoughts, for example), surnames crop up here and there, and I have one person, a single name, mentioned in every book I’ve ever written. That’ll make sense eventually.
Meghan: How much of yourself do you put in your books?
Matt Hayward: Quite a bit. Brian Keene said I ‘bleed on the page’ and I accept that as quite a high compliment. I try and keep my social/political beliefs private, I’ll never be ‘preachy’, but a lot of my own experiences and perspectives are there. If there’s not a grain of truth to the work, I’ll feel like I’ve cheated myself, and readers by proxy. I’ve shelved three novels for that very reason.
Meghan: Have you ever incorporated something that happened to you in real life into your novels?
Matt Hayward: Yup. As mentioned above, like a lot of writers, I mine past experiences. I won’t kiss and tell, though.
Meghan: Are your characters based off real people, or did they all come entirely from your imagination?
Matt Hayward: A bit of A and a bit of B. Sometimes, when the story or situation is based on something real, then the characters are, too. Occasionally, though, they’re purely speculative. Kenny from A Penny For Your Thoughts, for example, he’s completely made-up. Just a fun guy the story called for. Peter from What Do Monsters Fear? or Tony, the kid from my upcoming book, are very much real.
Meghan: How do you think you’ve evolved creatively?
Matt Hayward: I’ve learned to stop worrying and just write the next book. Now that I’ve taken a few punches and gone a few rounds, I know that some things I think are golden, people don’t like. And some things I’m unsure of, people really love. There’s no way to gauge it, so if you’re new to writing – don’t worry. Just keep putting your ass in the chair and pumping out the words. Have fun.
Meghan: What is the most difficult part of your artistic process?
Matt Hayward: The most difficult thing about writing is having patience. A book I wrote two years ago is still doing the rounds, whereas I’m already three books ahead. When that sees the light of day, I’ll need a refresher when I speak about it – it’ll be entirely foreign to me. That, and back cover copy. Talking about my writing Kryptonite – back cover copy makes me need a drink.
Meghan: Does writing energize or exhaust you?
Matt Hayward: Depends on the project. Some days it’s tiresome, I think any writer will admit that, but I always manage to plow through regardless. I’d feel much worse if I let the exhaustion overwhelm me and not work. Besides, no matter my mood, when I’m finished with a day’s writing, I always feel better.
Meghan: Do you read your book reviews? How do you deal with the bad ones? Have you ever learned something from a negative review and incorporated it into your writing?
Matt Hayward: I try and leave reviews for the readers. That said, I was directed to a pretty funny review of The Faithful in which the reviewer was shocked to find so much blasphemy. It’s a novel about a religious cult written by an Irishman, I really don’t think they thought their purchase through. Even still, I’m grateful they read it.
Meghan: What are your ambitions for your writing career? What does “literary success” look like to you?
Matt Hayward: I’d like to have a core readership that gets what I write. I’ve had a couple of talks about movie adaptions in the past, but that side of the business is alien to me, and it’s a fickle beast. That said, I would like to see something transition to the big screen. I signed with an agent earlier this year, and we’re currently subbing to the traditional market, so I’m excited to see where that leads. All I can do is continue to sharpen my skills and try to surpass my last work. As long as people are reading them, I’ll keep writing them.
Fresh from a stretch in prison, Joe Openshaw is living at home with his father and trying to get his life together again. He has let go of old habits, especially the ones that turned him into an addict and helped land him in prison.
On a hike along the Lowback Trail, Joe stumbles on one of the town’s oldest secrets–buried long ago, if not forgotten.
It’s an unusual but safe enough treasure–a jar of old pennies. What interests Joe isn’t the pennies themselves, but the pieces of paper taped to every coin–a child’s handwritten wish on each one.
When the first few wishes come true, they are simple things. Fun. Harmless.
Except as time goes on, Joe realizes they aren’t really wishes at all…they’re exchanges, and the bill was racking up.
From the Bram Stoker Award-nominated author of What Do Monsters Fear? and A Penny For Your Thoughts comes twenty new tales of terror!
Including the Irish Short Story of the Year-nominated Intercepting Aisle Nine
From a white doomsday crawling with abominable beasts to the bizarre case of a marketing company advertising within people’s dreams, these stories explore the extremes of Hayward’s prose–contrasting the heartfelt with the deeply disturbing.
Join Patrick Lacey as he discusses his love of Halloween…
If you’re anything like me, you know that Halloween is the greatest night of the year. Just imagine explaining it to someone new to the concept. Yeah, I get dressed up like a witch or a goblin and I hand out candy to children I’ve never met and they’re dressed up too and later on, when the big kids come out, my town looks like the scene of a crime. Toilet paper. Eggs. Shaving cream. It’s kinda like legal vandalism.
And that’s only the night. What about everything leading up to it? What about seeing plastic skulls and ceramic demons in your local department store while it’s still grilling weather? What about pumpkin beers and cereals that turn milk green and certainly what about candles that smell like candy corn and cost more than your car payment?
It’s most wonderful time of the year. That’s why on Halloween night, I do precisely one thing and one thing only.
Nothing.
The spooky season has become an assignment for me. With social media, everyone has a micro-blog of their own. My followers and the people I follow, they’re posting pictures of Halloween ephemera the moment it sneaks into stores. It becomes an adventure. It becomes my civic duty. I want to document all of the hub-bub because, in some corner of my delusional mind, people have actually come to expect and, dare I say, look forward to me posting pictures of pumpkin spice Cheerios.
And then there’s the movies. We live in a golden age of media if you’re a collector like me. Thousands of horror movies are available in special editions at the click of a button. And don’t even get me started on streaming services. You’ve got endless content on your hands. Your seasonal viewing is infinite but time is not. So you whittle it down. But do you only watch Halloween-related films or do you watch movies that remind you of Halloween? Something nostalgic or do you take a chance on a new release?
And in between mainlining slashers and inhaling Mellowcreme Pumpkins, if you’re anything like me, you’ve got to take in a haunt or seven. Everybody’s doing them these days, from local churches and farm stands to elaborate production companies who’ve paid a few big ones to rent out that abandoned hospital your city wants to convert into a mall. It’s hard to choose. The bigger guys have the budgets but those locals affairs are oozing with charm. So you do the logical thing. You attend them all.
I’m exhausted. Aren’t you? That’s why, come October 31st, the last thing I want to do is get dressed up and head to some party where there’s always that one guy, dressed as a gorilla, that no one seemed to invite. Instead, I get takeout. Something greasy and fried. Something I’ll have to pretend I didn’t eat the next time my doctor checks my cholesterol. I turn off the lights, leave a bowl of candy on the porch with a note that says Take One, like that’ll keep ’em in line. I light up the ol’ Jack O’ Lanterns and those pricey pumpkin candles. Then I throw on something spooky. Something I’ve seen a billion times so that it becomes background noise. I eat and watch, eat and watch, and outside the mayhem filters into the mix and it becomes a trance, one you only feel once each year, if you’re like me, and then all of the noise and visuals come to a boil and I’m—
And I’m sleeping on the couch and my wife is waking me up because it’s November 1st and while I’m more than a little bummed that the cycle has once again ended, I’m also relieved.
Besides, if you’re anything like me, you’ll just finish off the candy corn for breakfast and throw on some scary movies.
Patrick Lacey was born and raised in a haunted house. He currently spends his nights and weekends writing about things that make the general public uncomfortable. He lives in Massachusetts with his wife, his over-sized cat, and his muse, who is likely trying to kill him. Follow him on Twitter, find him on Facebook, or visit his website.
That’s the note left behind for Ivy Longwood when infamous killer Tucker Ashton murders her boyfriend. Several years later, after Tucker vanishes from his jail cell, Ivy travels to Ashton’s hometown of Marlowe, Massachusetts. Not for closure or therapy. She’s being called there. Steered by forces beyond her control. What she’ll find is not the quiet suburban town Marlowe once was. It’s something new. Something dark. Something that answers the question: Where did Tucker Ashton go?
Melvin Brown sees things that aren’t there. Monsters with tentacles and razor-sharp teeth. Ever the social outcast, he is bullied to the point of suicide. And his hatred of those who did him wrong does not die with him.
One decade after Melvin’s death, something strange is happening to Lynnwood High School’s smartest and most popular students. They begin to act out and spend time at the former high school, now abandoned and said to be haunted. And their numbers grow at an alarming rate.
Is this just a passing fad or are the rumors true? Does Lynnwood really have a teenage cult on their hands?
Liam Carpenter spends most of his time above his aunt’s garage, watching obscure horror movies and drinking cheap beer. But this week’s different. This week, things are getting weird. First, there’s his favorite director, Clive Sherman, showing up in town unannounced. Then there’s the string of murders that all seem like something out of Clive’s popular Pigfoot movie monster franchise. Throw in Liam’s mysterious new crush and the cough-syrup-addicted private investigator chasing her down and you might gain somewhat of a clue of what’s going on in Bass Falls lately.
And don’t even get him started on she-demons and blood sacrifices. Bone Saw studios is in town and they’re bringing you the bloodiest sequel featuring a pig-human hybrid killing machine you’ve ever seen.
Meghan: Hi, Patrick. Welcome to Halloween Extravaganza. Tell us a little bit about yourself.
Patrick Lacey: Hi, I’m Pat Lacey. I’ve been publishing horror fiction since 2012 and I have a six-foot tall Freddy Krueger cardboard cutout in my office.
Meghan: What are five things most people don’t know about you?
Patrick Lacey: I absolutely love to cook. I drink around three cans of seltzer a day and can stop whenever I want to. Even though October if my favorite season, I do prefer warmer weather. I cry very easily during movies. I once got a mole removed.
Meghan: What is the first book you remember reading?
Patrick Lacey: I want to say it was a Dr Seuss book involving the ABC’s but I might be confusing it with Crime and Punishment.
Meghan: What are you reading now?
Patrick Lacey: I just finished up Broken Monsters by Lauren Beukes, who was new to me and will certainly be on my TBR for the rest of time. An actual perfect mix of horror and crime, a combination that can so easily go wrong if not done right. She does it right.
Meghan: What’s a book you really enjoyed that others wouldn’t expect you to have liked?
Patrick Lacey: American on Purpose by Craig Ferguson is one of my favorite memoirs of all time (I say this like I’ve read more than three) and one of the only books I actually devoured in one day.
Meghan: What made you decide you want to write? When did you begin writing?
Patrick Lacey: The first thing I wrote was The Curse of the Scorpion, a knock-off Goosebumps novel. I was in third grade. It never got published. I liked the process and toyed with writing off and on until college, when I gave it the old… college try. Sorry.
Meghan: Do you have a special place you like to write?
Patrick Lacey: I typically write in my office, which is a hoarder’s dream if you like horror memorabilia and action figures. But I can and do write anywhere. In my car, in coffee shops, on the back porch. I don’t like being tied to any one place. I think that creates this idea that if you’re not in your favorite writing spot, you can’t get anything done.
Meghan: Do you have any quirks or processes that you go through when you write?
Patrick Lacey: Procrastination. I like to do literally anything to avoid writing before I actual sit down and work the magic.
Meghan: Is there anything about writing you find most challenging?
Patrick Lacey: All of it. I’ve written something like fifteen novels now and they never get easier. To be honest, I don’t particularly love the process of writing. I find editing subsequent drafts much more enjoyable. On the flipside, if I go more than two days without writing, I get cranky. I just can’t quit you, written word.
Meghan: What’s the most satisfying thing you’ve written so far?
Patrick Lacey: Trick question. It’s usually the thing I’m currently working on. So in this case, it’s the thing I’m currently working on.
Meghan: What books have most inspired you? Who are some authors that have inspired your writing style?
Patrick Lacey: I think it’s totally subjective, all of it, except for this: if you want to keep turning the page, the story did something right—or write, if you will. Sorry again.
Meghan: What does it take for you to love a character? How do you utilize that when creating your characters?
Patrick Lacey: I’m 95% pantser, meaning I don’t outline before I write. So sometimes, I don’t even know if I like a character until I’m well into the first draft. Usually, they’ve got to have a quirk. For example, though extreme, in Bone Saw, there’s a private detective who’s addicted to cough syrup. I wasn’t sure why when I first started writing, but as it went on, that addiction makes total sense.
Meghan: Which, of all your characters, do you think is the most like you?
Patrick Lacey: The main character in We Came Back is a dead ringer for me. We both lost our fathers in high school, and we both tried lifting weights with little to no results.
Meghan: Are you turned off by a bad cover? To what degree were you involved in creating your book covers?
Patrick Lacey: Yes. Judge that cover all you want. I usually had a good amount of say in the covers of my books. I’ve learned over the years to speak up if something doesn’t gel with me and to give as much feedback as possible.
Meghan: What have you learned creating your books?
Patrick Lacey: Books are really hard to write.
Meghan: What has been the hardest scene for you to write so far?
Patrick Lacey: There’s a car crash scene in We Came Back where we learn about the death of major character and it wasn’t very enjoyable to write. Definitely one of those kill-your-darlings moments. Literally.
Meghan: What makes your books different from others out there in this genre?
Patrick Lacey: Tough to answer this one without sending pretentious, but I guess I try take what might seem like a pulpy concept and treat it as serious as I can. That doesn’t mean I can’t have fun with it (see cough-syrup-addicted-private-detective for more information). It just means when I’m writing it, any general weirdness is (hopefully) serving the story instead of being there for the sake of it.
Meghan: How important is the book title, how hard is it to choose the best one, and how did you choose yours (of course, with no spoilers)?
Patrick Lacey: I do think it’s important and for me, it’s never easy. I usually jot possibilities down as I’m working on the first draft but I rarely choose one until the book is done. Sometimes they’ll change once the publisher gets on board. I usually lift a line or concept from the book and take it from there.
Meghan: What makes you feel more fulfilled: Writing a novel or writing a short story?
Patrick Lacey: Both. With novels, I’m working on them for the better part of a year and like I said: it’s never easy. So when they’re done, it’s hard not to look back and nod in approval. But short stories? They’re like instant mac and cheese: quick and delicious and, oddly, sometimes orange. And since my writing style tends to be on the slim side, they just feel right.
Meghan: Tell us a little bit about your books, your target audience, and what you would like readers to take away from your stories.
Patrick Lacey: Someone once called my stuff “pulp with heart” and I can dig that description. As for my target audience, literally anyone who wants to read about haunted amusement parks, teenage cults, or god-like serial killers.
Meghan: Can you tell us about some of the deleted scenes/stuff that got left out of your work?
Patrick Lacey: Oh, there’s tons of stuff. I usually cut about 10,000 words from my novels. It gets cut for a reason (i.e., it’s boring), so there wouldn’t be much to tell.
Meghan: What is in your “trunk”?
Patrick Lacey: I do not have a trunk novel. I have six of them. When I first started writing, I wrote six books without even thinking of submitting them. I looked at them as practice. They’ll never see the light of day because a.) they’re mostly terrible and b.) I’ve since mined characters and plots to use in my published work.
Meghan: What can we expect from you in the future?
Patrick Lacey: I’ve got a super-secret surprise coming in October, so if you’re reading this after it’s out, that’s what I was talking about and if not, I think I just vaguebooked. I also have a new novel coming out early next year through Grindhouse Press. It’s called A Voice so Soft and in a word(s), it’s what happens when Satan wins American Idol.
Meghan: Where can we find you?
Patrick Lacey: There’s a bar down the street from my apartment that serves half-price apps on Wednesdays. Otherwise, I’m on Twitter and Instagram.
Meghan: Do you have any closing words for your fans or anything you’d like to say that we didn’t get to cover in this interview?
Patrick Lacey: Thank you for having me! And thanks to everyone who’s read even a sentence of my work. Let’s all have the best Halloween ever!
Patrick Lacey was born and raised in a haunted house. He currently spends his nights and weekends writing about things that make the general public uncomfortable. He lives in Massachusetts with his wife, his over-sized cat, and his muse, who is likely trying to kill him. Follow him on Twitter, find him on Facebook, or visit his website.
That’s the note left behind for Ivy Longwood when infamous killer Tucker Ashton murders her boyfriend. Several years later, after Tucker vanishes from his jail cell, Ivy travels to Ashton’s hometown of Marlowe, Massachusetts. Not for closure or therapy. She’s being called there. Steered by forces beyond her control. What she’ll find is not the quiet suburban town Marlowe once was. It’s something new. Something dark. Something that answers the question: Where did Tucker Ashton go?
Melvin Brown sees things that aren’t there. Monsters with tentacles and razor-sharp teeth. Ever the social outcast, he is bullied to the point of suicide. And his hatred of those who did him wrong does not die with him.
One decade after Melvin’s death, something strange is happening to Lynnwood High School’s smartest and most popular students. They begin to act out and spend time at the former high school, now abandoned and said to be haunted. And their numbers grow at an alarming rate.
Is this just a passing fad or are the rumors true? Does Lynnwood really have a teenage cult on their hands?
Liam Carpenter spends most of his time above his aunt’s garage, watching obscure horror movies and drinking cheap beer. But this week’s different. This week, things are getting weird. First, there’s his favorite director, Clive Sherman, showing up in town unannounced. Then there’s the string of murders that all seem like something out of Clive’s popular Pigfoot movie monster franchise. Throw in Liam’s mysterious new crush and the cough-syrup-addicted private investigator chasing her down and you might gain somewhat of a clue of what’s going on in Bass Falls lately.
And don’t even get him started on she-demons and blood sacrifices. Bone Saw studios is in town and they’re bringing you the bloodiest sequel featuring a pig-human hybrid killing machine you’ve ever seen.
Meghan's Haunted House of Books 